Hey guys, help me out please. I just need to feel better and all the help I can get.

I apologize if it’s hard to hear, I had to whisper for fear of my parents coming in. Also, it’s long, so be prepared to sit for 26 adn a half minutes.

TL;DW—Coming out had bad results.

Transgender AND Genderqueer books?

The Asexuality book has been really helpful, and informative. And reading over it, kinda makes me even want to read it myself. So I will probably do that before I hand it to my parents.

Does anyone know of any trans* (with emphasis on all 6 characters) books which would be helpful for having parents read to understand why I feel this way and how it’s possible to feel this way? I’m honestly pretty damn sure I’m transfeminine, but not to the point of calling myself transsexual. If I’m not transgender, then I am genderqueer, something along the lines of male to androgynous female. Because there are occasional times where I would rather pass as a male, but I still want to transition.

Basically, it would be nice if this book talked about transgender and genderqueer stuff. If it mentions that it might be a phase, but that’s okay, or self-discovery takes time and so if this isn’t right for this person it’s okay—then that’s awesome, and needs to be there. It should also mention that some transgendered people don’t feel dysphoria, because I don’t, and I like my body mostly. And otherwise is informative. I don’t have a clue what else should be in it. I’m MtF but I don’t really want to hvae a sex change. If anyone knows of a book that would work, please let me know!

Also, would anyone reccommend http://www.amazon.com/Helping-Your-Transgender-Teen-Parents/dp/069201229X/ref=sr_1_11?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1342122957&sr=1-11&keywords=transgender Thanks in advance!

I just wanna post this to thank everyone who answered my previous question about the appropriate way to come out. While there were only a few responses, they were very helpful, and I’m probably going to write a letter. I have a little while to write it and get it adequate, so I may post what I come up with on tumblr to be read and reviewed.

Thanks for the help.

Coming out to parents as trans* (and asexual): Via letter, or in person?

I’ve read a bit of things lately that make me wonder exactly what would be a better idea. Some may argue that coming out with a letter is too impersonal, however, coming out in person may result in a higher stress load and immediate (possibly negative) results.

So I’m curious as to what you guys think. I don’t know how to come out to my parents or what will happen afterwards, and I’m scared. But I’d also like to see a therapist really soon and begin walking the road to HRT. Doing that and not coming out would result in a very negative immediate response if my parents found my hormones, or my body’s changes, or whatever.

Since the limit of how many characters you can put is short, if you need to reblog to answer, it’s okay.

So, my questions:


1.) First off, in an environment where you are almost certain your parents would not accept you for one or the other (trans* or asexual), would it be better to come out in person and face the immediate consequences, or would it be better to wait till I’m at a safe distance from my parents to send them a letter to come out as a transgendered person?

2.) Would it be a good time to come out as trans and then come out as everything else in one sitting (or letter as it may be)?(panromantic, asexual, [atheist])

30 Day Genderqueer Challenge

Day 18:How does your gender factor in to your future plans?

I’m not sure how much or what all it will do, yet. I’ve given it a lot of thought, and still am. For one, I don’t know if I’m interested in going through HRT yet. I may, but I’m just not sure. I know almost for certain that I’m not interested in SRS, but I’ve heard HRT can be hazardous to your health without going through SRS or a castration of some sort. :s Regardless, if I don’t turn out to be trans, and am just genderfluid, then I will attempt to pass as female without transitioning. Maybe even just take anti-androgens so that I appear to pass better.

I plan to make what society sees as crossdressing a part of my normal, regular wardrobe. I’m going to eventually just tell people to use the name Jennifer for me, instead of what they know. I would prefer being called that anyway, regardless of what my legal name is.

That’s all I’ve got right away. I’m still workign on slowly accepting myself.

Day 19: What terms in the cisgender, GSM, or trans* community are problematic?

Transgender and transsexual are actually both problematic, in my opinion. For starters, nobody knows which one refers to someone who will or does undergo SRS/HRT, and which one just refers to someone whose gender is opposite of their sex. Neither really have a set definition, they’re both umbrella terms. It’d be really nice if each one filled its own definition.

Another term I feel causes problems is demigirl/demiguy. If the definitions are read, they can both mean essentially the same thing, despite their complete, polar opposite factors in the words themselves.

Day 20: Have you faced any problems or gone through any changes regarding religion?

Nope. Being atheistic has its quirks.

30 Day Genderqueer Challenge

Looking back on starting this challenge, I realize that I probably should have done the trans* one instead.

Day 16: Name some media you connect with queerly

I don’t understand this question.

Day 17: How do you, or would you, deal with being misgendered?

Not a whole lot. I can’t say I blame anyone for thinking I’m male. I haven’t gone out of my way to make myself look any closer to my appropriate gender in public yet. To the people who know that I prefer female pronouns, I let them know that if they forget, but that’s very rare, because I almost never hear them using pronouns for me at all.

30 Day Genderqueer Challenge

Day 14: Are you part of the Gender and Sexuality Minority community?

Somewhat. I’m not really a gender minority. Being trans is a minority, but being female really isn’t. So not there. However, asexuality definitely is a sexuality minority. So that certainly counts.

Day 15: How do you deal with gendered things? Clothes shopping, bathrooms, forms, etc.

Well, I mean, I’m closet. I also don’t look at all like the girl I want to look like in the future, so using the womens’ restroom is not possible. I have gone clothes shopping, and tried clothes on in store before, so that’s not really an issue. As for forms, I almost always mark male unless I will never be seen in person. I mean, I haven’t dressed appropriate to my gender in public before, and I don’t have the skills or body necessary to pass perfectly as a girl yet. But I will someday, and then maybe I’ll start marking female on forms.

30 Day Genderqueer Challenge

Day 13: How has your family taken it or how might they take it?

Oh god…

To put some info down for starters, I live in the Bible Belt; the conservative hellhole of the USA. I was born here, my family was born here, all my relatives are from this area, share the same beliefs, etc. Oddly enough, myself and my younger brother are outliers. He’s a liberal pro-freedom guy. I’m as queer as a football bat, and asexual, and borderline Socialist.

Obviously, my background and family wouldn’t take it well at all. My dad has already spoken foul things about homosexuals, my mom believes in Biblically acceptable marriage and none else. Both of my parents want to carry on the family tree, basically doing the same thing that they’ve been doing for years. Our children grow up, get married, have kids, etc. Same jobs, same intelligence, yada yada yada. This is absolutely not me.

Taking that information into account, and knowing how families in this area are, etc, I’m expecting a bad reaction to coming out as the genderqueer I am. Not like I intend to tell my parents about it, but I’m not expecting a good reaction if I do. My parents probably don’t understand that gender is a social construct, and also how I, a still-straight-and-normal-in-my-parents’-eyes biological male, could have gone so long without feeling unhappy about my sex/gender this far. I’d probably get grounded, my parents would probably find some way to make me get rid of the feelings (they’ve tried to purge a fetish and a fandom from me before, it didn’t work). I’d probably lose my dad’s support. My parents would not be happy with me. I’d go out of choice to stay with my best friend to wait out any possible reactions. My dad would probably drink more heavily…

I really hope I don’t have to come out, though I may. My parents won’t be able to take the fact that I don’t want sex, don’t want kids, am atheist, am panromantic, support socialistic tendencies… All of that at once combined with me feeling like a girl is enough to give them both a heart attack or drive them to drinking themselves into a coma.

30 Day Genderqueer Challenge

Day 12:Discuss your relationship with the term transgender

Me and the term transgender are relatively good friends. I’m almost 99% able to be called transgender because I am a male who identifies as female. It’s the simplest way to explain my identity, but I am more appropriately genderqueer. Because I am a female up until one eensy weensy, teeny tiny little detail—and that detail is my singing voice.

I have an awesome (I’ve been told, and agree) singing voice, and I’m a tenor. While it would be nice to sing higher, or in a more womanly tone, being completely honest, there is more merit for male singers than females. Not to mention, I am a complete audiophile and a tenor or baritone with a wide range gives me chills. I choose /not/ to be completely transgender because I want to keep my singing voice completely pure and unadulterated, no matter what consequences may be nonexistent.

However, if taking hormones does something to the pitch, I won’t complain, as long as I can still sing.

30 Day Genderqueer Challenge

Day 11: Your first experience with a GSM organization or event

The closest to a GSM organization I’ve ever been in is the LGBT+ group at my college, but they have no other members of odd gender, except for a guy who doesn’t show up often. And he’s gender-neutral. So I’m not really sure if it counts.

Other than that, never been to an event or organization structured around GSM’s.