I wish my mom and dad would STOP GIVING ME SHIT ABOUT MY HAIR.

Yes, it’s long. I know it’s long. I’m growing it out. BECAUSE I WANT TO. That’s all they need to know, but for some reason I feel like I have to REMIND THEM that I’m a GIRL and not a GUY.

So when I tell you that I hate wearing my hair in a pony tail (despite how “professional” it looks and might keep me from getting failed job interviews and such) because it gives me headaches, IT IS NOT MY PROBLEM when “growing out your hair for no particular reason is giving me a headache.” (Dad) This is my fucking body and with it I’m gonna do what I want. I’ll learn from my own god damn mistakes. If someone doesn’t hire me because I’ve got unprofessional hair? MY MISTAKE, I’LL FUCKING FIX IT MYSELF. If someone finds my hair unprofessional while wearing a tuxedo (which I hope I never have to do again), MY FUCKING MISTAKE, I’LL FIX IT MYSELF!

This applies to everything else in my god damn life too. I’m getting to the point where I’m starting to realize that my body is my business, and as a legal adult I can do with it anything that I want to.

I’m TWENTY YEARS OLD. TWENTY. YEARS OLD. I’m mature enough to understand that there may be consequences to my actions and that I have to learn from them. I was that mature like 5 years ago, but apparently it didn’t sink in then and it’s CLEARLY not sinking in now. Also, as a legal adult, while you may WANT me to do something, only I get to say whether or not I’m doing it.

And yeah, I’m sure that on my mother’s father’s side we have a common gene for male pattern baldness. Whoopdie freakin’ doo! Because the second I get on antiandrogens, the chances of that happening DIE. No matter what genetics say should happen, those particular genes affect me hormonally, which I can change with a little spironolactone.

I do not care how professional it looks to wear my hair in a pony tail. It shows so much cheek and forehead it looks like masculine as hell.
I do not care how “handsome” it makes me look.
I do not care that it gives you a headache that I’m growing my hair out because I can.
I do not care how it might affect me getting a job or a career or anything like that in the future.
I do not care that it might make me see better when I’m driving. It’s never caused a problem before while I drove. It’s just hair.

WHY CAN WE NOT DROP IT YET?!

Seriously, this shouldn’t still be going on. It’s long, but I’m taking exceptionally good care of my hair. I wash it every or nearly every day (and will start every single day this summer if I don’t have a recurring trend yet). It looks nice. And when I tuck the left side behind an ear, put on some makeup and use a hairband, I look GORGEOUS.

It’s my goddamn life, and I’m really starting to get tired of having to listen to you give me crap about the things I choose to do. Why can’t I just live my life in fucking peace?! UGH!

So many people have said (or said in the form of a ‘like’) so many nice things about the last selfie I uploaded and I’m so flattered. Thank you all, you’re awesome <3

I was wearing a new outfit today to the mall, and with the makeup and the headband and everything, I feel so passable and pretty today. >w<

I was looking for socks in the mens’ department today (since no one sells size 13/14 womens socks), and three different people asked me if I needed help finding something—they looked at me like I was lost.

Accomplishment. :)

Fuck tuxedos.

Fuck ponytails with no makeup.

Fuck exposing my forehead.

Fuck.

peacelovetrans:

I’ve just finished a four track EP release, and it comes out right about… now.

My name is Rachel Tucker. I’m a 17 year old transgirl living in an abusive home, with her mom; one of the abusers. I’ve been emotionally abused and neglected for many years, and it has taken me as just as much time to realize that not only was I being abused in the first place, that life wasn’t supposed to be lived at the mercy of another, that I could leave this place; which is actually legal in my state, since I am legally male, and 17 years old. (State of Wyoming) DFS will do nothing about this, I’ve called many times, all in vain; so I am taking matters into my own hands.

The point of the release, which is completely free, unless you choose to donate. You can donate any amount of money; or choose not to. It’s up to you. Any and all funds procured will go towards getting me out of this home, as I have a place to go, and a plan to get there; but not the money to execute it; hence the EP.

You can find the EP here; http://riptideofficial.bandcamp.com/album/make-a-difference-ep

To download, click on ‘Buy Now’ and it will ask you to put in an amount. If you put in zero, it’s obviously free, and it will take you to the download page where you can have your choice of 320 mp3, .wav, .flac, and many other audio file types; I personally recommend the 320 mp3 if you don’t know your file types. 

Please keep in mind when donating, that Bandcamp will receive 15% of the number you input, up to $100, (so a max of $15) and also that when putting zero into the download box, that Bandcamp will only allow me 200 free downloads per month. If, in the unlikelihood that I do in fact run out of free downloads, simply personal message me here on Tumblr, and I will upload them to MediaFire or Dropbox to download for 100% free, though keep in mind, with that, they will be .wav, as all of my files are, and I will not convert files for anyone. You can do them yourself with many free programs available on the net.

Thank you all, you can read the full story on my past of abuse and torment at the hands of people whom have claimed to love me below the break.

Read More

Can I not just signal boost this again? Rachel’s a totally awesome friend and she needs support.

She’s a super great person even if she doesn’t feel like it sometimes and I love her a lot! If you can’t donate then either listen to her music or signal boost it. I want to see her happy and living a life she’d much rather be living.

And speaking of dysphoria…

So I had a long talk with the executive members of my fraternity last night. Firstly I discussed that I had been way too stressed to focus and actually have a drive to come to meetings. The past few weeks everything they scheduled felt like last-minute things, and it was like a bullet to my inner planner’s head every single day. I told them that instead of doing something which could be excused by the meeting, I would simply break down and retreat to my room, doing other things to relax me. Like eating, playing video games and dressing as a woman instead of in button ups and ties.

Then I mentioned that I need to somehow find a way to politely re-establish to everyone that I’m trans. As it appears, I want to go full time by fall, or partway through the summer quarter. And with only around 65% of our members making attempts to call me by my preferred name and the pronouns, it’s a little discouraging. It feels like no one there actually will end up seeing me as a woman, or more like no one fully acknowledges it. But it’s imminent, and with any luck I will have my voice totally trained by the end of the summer. They gave me some suggestions which were less than ideal or helpful, but recognized that I probably would have to keep pointing it out to people until it became an understood fact.

Finally, I asked what the idea of formal attire for fraternal events and gatherings would be. Namely because I’ll be stopping the suit-and-tie charade soon. I’ll be wearing womens’ clothes, perhaps dresses or just formal outfits, and I needed to know what was acceptable. However I worry that my presentation and gender expression within the fraternity might discourage members from joining or wanting to join. And that bothers me a little bit. But I get so dysphoric when I wear anything that’s men’s formal attire. So for my own health I should carry on with the dress wearing and whatnot, but at the same time I need to make it less of a problem. I don’t konw what I’m going to do in that respect, but at least they accept that it will probably be necessary that I dress that way.

deadlyriptide:

I’ve just finished a four track EP release, and it comes out right about… now.

My name is Rachel Tucker. I’m a 17 year old transgirl living in an abusive home, with her parents; the abusers. I’ve been emotionally abused and neglected for many years, and it has taken me as just as much time to realize that not only was I being abused in the first place, that life wasn’t supposed to be lived at the mercy of another, that I could leave this place; which is actually legal in my state, since I am legally male, and 17 years old. (State of Wyoming) DFS will do nothing about this, I’ve called many times, all in vain; so I am taking matters into my own hands.

The point of the release, which is completely free, unless you choose to donate. You can donate any amount of money; or choose not to. It’s up to you. Any and all funds procured will go towards getting me out of this home, as I have a place to go, and a plan to get there; but not the money to execute it; hence the EP.

You can find the EP here; http://riptideofficial.bandcamp.com/album/make-a-difference-ep

To download, click on ‘Buy Now’ and it will ask you to put in an amount. If you put in zero, it’s obviously free, and it will take you to the download page where you can have your choice of 320 mp3, .wav, .flac, and many other audio file types; I personally recommend the 320 mp3 if you don’t know your file types. 

Please keep in mind when donating, that Bandcamp will receive 15% of the number you input, up to $100, (so a max of $15) and also that when putting zero into the download box, that Bandcamp will only allow me 200 free downloads per month. If, in the unlikelihood that I do in fact run out of free downloads, simply personal message me here on Tumblr, and I will upload them to MediaFire or Dropbox to download for 100% free, though keep in mind, with that, they will be .wav, as all of my files are, and I will not convert files for anyone. You can do them yourself with many free programs available on the net.

Thank you all, you can read the full story on my past of abuse and torment at the hands of people whom have claimed to love me below the break.

Read More

Hey everyone, here’s a signal boost. My friend needs a few donations and she writes kickass music. If you would make a donation and get her album I’m sure you, nor her, will regret it. c:

Despite following around 150 blogs right now, unless it’s a weekend, my dashboard is so empty! The worst times are the night life times and while I’m at work, which are, coincidentally the times I’m awake and tumbling hard.

So I need some new blogs to follow.

If you have a blog and you post about one of the following or are one of the following:

• Trans*/Genderqueer (especially MtF/DMAB)
• Asexual or some variant
• a furry and/or fursuiter
• into BDSM, primarily but not limited to petplay
• Open minded and easy to chat with should you turn out to be an awesome person
• a fan of kangaroos

Reblog this! I’ll ABSOLUTELY FOLLOW ANYONE who reblogs this post and fits those descriptors! You don’t have to be all of the above, just one is fine. My only request is that whatever your blog, you at least be LGBT friendly. c:

If I already follow you or you don’t fit these descriptors, but you know someone who does that sounds like my speed, then please suggest them. And if someone’d signal boost this, I’d love you forever. :D Thanks!

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Could I pull off a Pixie Bob, like this?

Or similar? In my hair color, of course? (I’m trying to go for a punk/pop/scene sort of look)

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So since investing a lot into clothes, I’ve found that the more that I see the style, the more I fall in love with it. I love the girly punk look. (minus the piercings) I’ve seen so many outfits that are punk/metal with a bit of girly and androgynous flair to them that I don’t think I can help myself. I really love the punk-ish style. Short skirts, black with graphics or a little pink, leopard print, and a collar to boot just strikes my fancy so well. Only problem is it’s hard to make look really professional.

So I could probably alternate out between a professional look and the metal-girl look if I wanted to, especially when one isn’t appropriate but the other is.

After going totally punk this past Saturday I think I could handle having more, if not a mostly punkesque wardrobe and makeup switch.

I know that I’ve been planning on growing the hair out for awhile, but that’s taking a lot of time and I’m enduring the bitching from my parents. So I could go with an androgynous short cut that’s also sortof punk as well. I was thinking a pixie bob, but I have no idea if I could pull it off. (You’d have to look through my pictures to see my face and make an accurate guesstimate on that) Something with bangs that cover enough of the forehead, but shortens the nonsense. Still can be girly, but guy-y when I need it to be.

I could also probably dye my hair a darker color. Maybe a black or really dark color with blue or red or pink tinge to it in the sunlight.

Anything think I should go with the look? This past weekend I felt more at home in that sort of attire than I ever had.

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